Happy New Year, Protective Styling, Excuses,etc….

First of all, Happy New Year. I know it’s March but better late than never right? I have missed writing on my blog but so much has been going on. I can’t seem to find the time. Excuse? Maybe, but it’s life.. Anyway, I hope all of you are having a great year so far. In my opinion, this year will be better than the last. I have high hopes for the moves I am going to make this year. I have so many ways to bring my passion to life. Stay tuned.
On another subject, I am still rocking my protective styles. I said I was going to do it for a year but it’s been going so good. I plan to do it indefinitely. I am not sure when I will debut my radically growing hair. I will, however, keep taking care of my hair with pampering and deep conditioning. Moisturizing is a must and water is my friend. My hair can never get enough water or essential oils. My new go-to oil is coconut oil. It makes my hair so soft and it smells good too. I use it to prep my hair for protective styles. Right now I have been wearing a crochet braid wig. Yes, I said a wig. If you are not in the natural hair community or just been living under a rock, you may not know what I am talking about. Check out the pics to see what I am talking about

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As you can see, I love this style. It was so easy to make. I searched on YouTube and found a mother load of tutorials. It is a rather cheap hairstyle as well. All I needed was some hair, a netting cap, scissors, and my crochet needle. I think I spent around $20 on everything. I’ve had this particular wig for several weeks. It started off long and after a couple of weeks, I cut it short. Its very light weight and I can take it off at night. Winning!! Under my wig, I have flat twists that I moisturized. Its working for me.
Anyway loves, I just wanted to stop in and say hi. I promise to have more consistent posts in the near future. I have so much to talk about. Until next time, Smooches!!!

But, Why Though?

Let me tell you guys what happened to me the other day.  I stopped by the gas station to get a snack or two, okay more than that. But that’s beside the point.  Stay focused! Lol So I was in the isle deciding what I wanted to get and this woman kept staring at me.  I looked up and smiled at her but no smile back.  I went back to what I was doing and looked up again.  This lady was still staring at me.  Ma’am did I take something of yours? Do I have your clothes on? What? Finally she came down the isle I was on. In my mind I was thinking “here we go.” She surprised me though.  In a very mean and gruff voice,  she said “I like your hair.” I almost burst out laughing because it seemed like it hurt her to say that.  I politely said thank you and walked to the register.  I was to tickled inside. My mind began to wonder and this is the reason for this post. 

Why is it so hard for some women to empower each other or give a simple compliment? I mean I have no problem in given my fellow women props and kudos.  When they are looking hot in that dress,  their hair is laid,  or those brows on “fleek” (I’m so silly) I will let them know.  I have no problem at all.  Instead of complimenting on a job well done,  I have heard women use that “but” clause.  You know what the but clause is.  She’s cute and all but she could have worn a different pair of shoes with that dress.  Her hair is pretty but I don’t like that color.  I mean really? Why can’t we give a compliment and let it go? She may need to hear a little affirmation.  You don’t know what she is going through.  Your comment could have made her day.  I think some women think by giving another woman a compliment it some how dims their own shine? It still baffles me everytime I see it.  I am quick to see a girl on social media and say she’s cute but the peanut gallery (other women) will suck their teeth and say she alright lmao!

Tell me what you think.  Is this you? Are you the compliment hoarder? What are your reasons why? Have you seen your friends do this? Let me know.  I am very curious. 

Until next time my loves! Smooches!!

Big Hair Don’t Care!!

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Can you guys see how happy I am with this hair? I am giving you all of me with this hair! Lol.  I just love it.  If you follow me on instagram then you know that this style is a set of crochet braids that I recently installed.  As I stated in a previous post,  crochet braids are my protective style of choice.  I have been doing styles like this on my hair for almost a year now.  I can definitely see the growth  and the increase of health in my hair.  I have learned that low manipulation styles are what my hair thrives on.  I have been trying to grow out my hair from a short cut I had last year.  I loved my cut and I rocked it but it was time for a change.  Anyway,  I just wanted to pop in and show you what is going on with my hair right now.  I am Chaka Khan… I am Jill Scott… I am beautifully me! Here is one more shot for the road… Smooches!!

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Giving Thanks

Hello loves!  I know it’s been a while but I’m back.  Hopefully I will be more consistent on my posts. Life is so unpredictable and we’ll that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it! Lol. I just wanted to stop in and gives you guys a little taste of what I am thankful for.  This year has been bananas but I wouldn’t trade what I have learned over this past year.  I am truly thankful for what my experiences have taught me.  I have learned that I am stronger than I thought.  It didn’t break me.  God fed me the strength I needed to go on.  I have become a person that I am proud of.  I may not be where I want to be but thank God I am not where I used to be.  I have grown spiritually and have developed a closer relationship with God.  He is truly my strength.  I have reached goals that I never thought I would accomplish and I did it with the motivation of my family and friends.  For that I am thankful.  I have so much love surrounding me.  I am rich indeed.  I am thankful for the positive male role models in my son’s life.  I do the best I can as a mother but it takes a strong man to mold a boy into what he needs to be.  I am thankful for a praying mother.  Without her I don’t know where I would be.  I have cried to her and confided in her.  She never passed judgement.  She is my rock.  Words can’t express how much I love her.  I am thankful for my crazy friends.  They know how to put things in perspective for me even when I don’t want to hear it Lol! Some jerks they are but I wouldn’t change them for the world.  I am thankful for my sister.  She is a true Gemini but I can depend on her.  She will go to battle for me in a heartbeat.  Don’t mess with her family.  She is the modern day scrappy do.  Remember him? Lol.  Last but not least,  I am thankful for you.  The people that have supported me since I started this blog.  Your support and love does not go unnoticed.  I just want to say thank you.  There is more to come for me.  Sit back and watch the story unfold.  Until next time loves! PEACE!!

Letter to my younger self

Hello beautiful,
I just want you to know that you are enough. No matter what anyone says in the future, you are a special creation from God. You don’t always have to say year for the fear of getting rejected. You don’t always have to agree for the fear of being unloved. As a matter of fact, live in courage not in fear. Go out on a limb and take a chance. What is the worst that can happen. Sometimes, put yourself before others. Everyone won’t appreciate the sacrifices you make for them. Everyone won’t care like you do. Don’t get mad because the love you are looking for is not in that man. It’s in yourself. You have to find love and acceptance within yourself. You will not be able to find it in the world. If you try, you will be disappointed. When people show you who they are, please believe them. They are the true source. Actions speak louder than words ever will. Look at the signs. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust your gut. You know way more than you think. People may call you crazy or question your reasoning but it’s ok. They are not meant to understand. Your path in life may not be straight. Most times the road will be curved with many pit stops along the way. Don’t let this discourage you. Trust that the destination will be reached. It may not be a quick as you want but slow and steady wins the race. Stand strong to your beliefs. If a person has a problem with your moral code then they don’t need to be in your circle. Love yourself! I can not express that enough. You have alot to be thankful for. Your mind is unique and your story will continue to be written. Beautiful girl, you are meant to stand out in a crowd. Never let anyone dim your light to make themselves feel better. You can’t control how people feel about themselves but you can encourage them. Your advice is priceless. People will seek you out for it. Don’t be scared to let your voice be heard. Someone needs to hear what you have to say. Please don’t get any credit cards. If you can’t buy it with cash then you don’t need it. Credit is so important in your future. Don’t blow it with frivolous purchases and random splurges. You will want a house one day. Be careful. Don’t believe everyone that says they love you. They don’t. They can’t possibly love you if they don’t love themselves. Everyone can talk a good game but everyone isn’t ready for the love you have to give. Don’t stay in relationship just because you don’t want to be alone or lonely. In the long run, you will regret this. Enjoy your alone time. This will be how you get to know and truly appreciate yourself. This is how you will know who you truly are and what you really want. Please choose your major in college wisely. You dont want to end up with a degree that you don’t even use. Go with your passion. You are a motivator. Focus on that. Find a field where you will love to get up and go to work. Make a live for yourself where you don’t need a vacation from. Last but not least, develop your own relationship with God. You may not believe in what you were taught by your parents, but find what you believe in your heart. Spend time with the Lord everyday and I promise that you will go far.

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Love always,

Me

My Idealistic Views On Relationships….Well From What I Hear

Well I have been told on more that one occasion that my views on relationships for very “idealistic”. Mostly by ex-boyfriends and other people whose opinions don’t matter. I always thought I had a healthy view on relationships and their inner workings but as I grow older and my success rate continues to decline, I may need to rethink what I think I know LOL. Well lets get right into it. I guess I am old fashioned because I thought that relationships included trust and honesty. I thought cheating was uncommon and I thought ignorance was bliss! But what the heck do I know? LOL In this day and age, trust seems to be extinct and honesty is very uncommon.

I sat down and spoke to one of my friends about relationships and I told them that I wanted a man that wanted only me and a person that I could trust. She told me that men like that don’t exist. She said that you are going to have to find a man that will take care of his household because all men are going to cheat. You just have to decide if you are willing to put up with it. Wait a minute and stop the presses!!! I am sorry but I don’t believe that. I feel that a relationship should be based on trust. That is the foundation. If you don’t have trust then you don’t have anything. Your foundation is compromised. It’s like you are building a house on sinking sand. I will be damned if I run myself crazy trying to figure out what he is doing and who he is doing it with. That is not living in my opinion. But then again, what do I know? I have been in relationships where trust was broken and I was very unhappy. The person lied about the smallest things. I may not have ever caught them cheating but if you can get caught in a lie about something simple then you can lie about anything? Right?

Doesn’t trust hold a large role in relationships or am I crazy? I try my best to be honest and I try my best to be as transparent as I can be with my significant other. I expect the same. It’s a give and take. I see so many people in relationships that don’t have trust. I mean its so crazy! What is the point of it all? What is the point of being in a relationship with a person that you have to constantly question? There are too many other things in life to worry about then what the next man is doing. I am sorry. I know I know, I sound like I come fresh out of the old age. But I think I am going to keep my idealistic view on relationships. I am taking a stand. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. Trust and believe, that I am not trying to fall ever again.

What is your idea of how a relationship should work? Am I being unreasonable. Are my standards to high? Let me know what you think…

Smooches! Until next time loves!

Five Mistakes I Have Made In Life and The Lessons I Learned From Them

So I was thinking. Yes I do that from time to time, LOL. Anyway, I was thinking about my life and all the mistakes I have made and how much pain I caused myself. I began to feel a little down but then I remembered that I have actually learned from them. If I wouldn’t have made those wrong turns in life, I wouldn’t be on the path that I am on now. With that being said, I began to write down the mistakes that I thought were big ones and thought about what I actually learned from them. You know I love sharing so sit back and enjoy as I let you into a little part of my life. Just so you know, these are not in any particular order.

Mistake #1: Doubting myself and my abilities. I thought for so long that I wasn’t smart enough, creative enough, or even good enough to do the things that I wanted to do in life. It caused me to be stagnant in my situations and settle for just good enough.

Lesson: If not me then who? Everyone doubts themselves from time to time, but we can’t allow that to stunt our growth. I may be only one person but I have a lot to say. I have a lot to give and I have a lot to offer. I am human but there is no one like me and that is enough.

Mistake #2: Giving a person too many chances and allowing them to stay in my life longer than they should. Being the forgiving person that I am, I have allowed people second and even third chances when they didn’t even deserve one. I allowed myself to listen to the excuses and make sense out of them, even though there was no sense to be made. I felt that it was my duty to give them an opportunity to redeem themselves and learn from their mistakes. Yeah right!

Lesson: People will only do things that you allow them to do. If you continue to forgive a person for the same actions you are actually telling them that the action is okay. I am not saying don’t forgive, because that is what we are supposed to do. But what I am saying is don’t be naïve and if something continues to happen its not a mistake, its a pattern.

Mistake #3: Going Natural with no research. In all honesty, I went natural because I thought the curly fro look was cute. I worked with a girl that had the most gorgeous natural hair. Little did I know that all hair is not the same. LOL I am thinking I am going to look like Tracy Ellis Ross when in fact I was looking like Florida Evans! NO BUENO!!

Lesson: Man let me tell you! This natural hair journey has been so much and I can’t put it into words. I cut my bra strap length hair into a short fade. I was so happy because I just knew when my hair grew it was going to be so beautiful with low manipulation. Ha! I looked a hot mess. I wore a wig for a long time until my hair got to the length I wanted it to be. I tried product after product until I found what worked for me. I became a product junkie and spent loads of money! I could have bought a new TV with all the money I spent LOL. A piece of advise for anyone thinking about going natural, please do you research. Go on Youtube, Google, or ask your friends! I promise you the transition will go a whole lot smoother.

Mistake #4: Getting into a relationship when I wasn’t ready. I don’t even have to explain the mess this has caused. The relationship was doomed from the jump. Emotionally, physically, and mentally I wasn’t ready. I just got tired of being lonely. I got tired of sleeping alone. With that being said, I accepted pretty much anything just to say I had a man. I know very sad! I am human and I know I am not the only that had done this..

Lesson: If you have not fully healed from a past hurt or relationship, do not jump into another one. The next relationship is not going to heal the past. Trust me, I know. You will still have the thing that hurt you lingering over your heart. How can you fully give your attention to your new relationship if you are hanging on to anything from an ended relationship or situation. Be a clean slate before you offer your heart to someone else. I have lived and I have learned. Amen!

Mistake #5: Trying to change someone! HONEY let me tell you! It is not going to happen. I thought I could change someone in the past. Why did I think that? I am not God or a superhero! You can not mold someone into what you want them to be. Yes you can be an influence on them whether positive or negative but until a person wants to change or is ready to change, they will not. Bottom line!

Lesson: When a person shows you who they are, you have a choice to make. You can either accept them for who they are or you can let them go. You can not sit upon a throne and decide that you are going to change how someone views life. How do you suppose you will do that? It is not possible. The only thing you can do is allow a person to be who they are. You can’t take a rock and turn into a flower. I don’t care how long you wish upon a star, its not going to hap’n cap’n. I have also learned that just because a person doesn’t love you in a way that you think they should, doesn’t mean that they don’t love you.

So there you have it guys. Let me know what you think. Have you made the same mistakes?

Until next time loves! smooches!!

Confessions of a Cheater

So I must confess that I have been cheating for the last two weeks. I feel so bad, but it was calling me. Calling me like crack for pookie! Don’t worry, I haven’t cheated on my love but I have cheated on my healthy living. I have been eating chips, drinking soda, and being lazy. I love chips. God knows I do! But I have to really let them go. I feel that I can talk to you guys and you will help me feel accountable. I decided to come on here and let you know what I have been doing. I know I let everybody know how good I have been doing but with that being said I also need to let you know the bad things I have been doing. I am being transparent. I am human. *shrugs* I haven’t worked out in a while and I feel so fat right now. I mean I have made progress but it feels like I am going backwards. I have gained about 5 pounds but that is not the point. The point is that I have landed in the funk and I really need motivation. Don’t get me wrong, I have still been eating fairly healthy but I haven’t passed up the sweets when they are offered and I have eaten a bag of lemon cookies for a few days now. I have come to the conclusion that I am just a girl that loves to eat bad things. I love to eat them all the time!! My will power is being compromised people! I think I am going to make a personal 90 day challenge for myself. When I am challenged, I tend to do better. Once I decide what that challenge is, I will come back and update you guys on it. So until then, this cheater is going to cheat some more! LOL

Soulmates? Real or Nah?

I was having a conversation with my coworkers the other day and I asked them if they believed in soul mates. At first there was a resounding no from everyone. Then I asked them well what if your soul mate is not a person of the romantic kind but on a friendship level. Most of them assumed that when I said soul mate, I meant husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. When I posed the question in a different way, the answers changed. Most of them felt that they believed in soul mates if the term didn’t automatically mean a romantic partner. I wonder why is that? One person told me that they consider a soul mate as someone that they can completely trust. They don’t feel that you can find that in a romantic relationship but rather a friendly one. That’s quite cynical isn’t it? Or rather an opinion based on past experiences? hummmm… The definition of soul mate is a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or a romantic partner. So a soul mate can be a best friend. Another definition states that a soul mate is a friend who completely understands you, who has the same believes and opinions as another person. I don’t know if I agree with that one. I feel that a soul mate is a person that understand but doesn’t necessarily have to agree with everything you say or do. I think a soul mate is a person that “completes” you. Their strengths may be your weaknesses and vise versa. They are able to draw things out of you that you didn’t know you had. That is what I feel a soul mate is. I also feel that a soul mate may be in your life for only a period of time, not necessarily someone you have to grow old with. I have met people along the way that I needed at that particular time but as I grew, they didn’t go with me. They were what I needed when I needed. With that being said, I wonder can a person have more than one soul mate? As you grow, you develop different opinions, values, and believes. If a person is your soul mate, they would have to adapt to those changes right? Or does that mean that soul mates can be interchangeable like pieces of clothing? Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love says that “people think a soul mate is our perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding your back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.” A soul mate is in your life for a purpose and they may be in your life for a season or for a lifetime. Have you found your soul mate?

Watch Who You Share Your Dreams With. Not Everyone Is For You

You know what really bothers me? Negative people. I mean, no matter what you say, they have a negative come back for it. I mean, Can I live? I love my friends, God knows I do, but everyone is not going to be privy to where I am going in life. Its not for everyone to understand. Everyone is not going to be happy for you or even buy into what you are trying to do. Be careful who you share your hopes and dreams with. Negativity is powerful and can cause you to second guess yourself and the validity of what you are trying to do in life. When you are excited about something, it is easy to want to share with the people around you but that is not always a good thing. Some people don’t want to see you succeed because they didn’t have the courage to do what it took to fulfill their dream. Just because they didn’t get off their butts to do what is needed, they feel the need to be negative and tell you what you can’t do. Don’t try to kill my joy, still my shine, rain on my parade! Only a select few know my dreams. They are the ones that are in my corner and will pray for my strength to endure the journey. I don’t need cacklers in my corner. Sorry! You really have to watch who you continue to allow in your circle. Some people have to be cut off. That includes family, friends, associates, frenemies, whoever. When I open up to a person about what I desire it life, that means I trust them completely. What you speak from your mouth is very powerful. You can’t give everyone the privilege because guess what? When they get mad at you, petty people will throw what you said to them in to your face. I have been there before. It is the most hurtful thing. A person you once cared about and respected has used your desires against you. It’s the world we live in and it’s very sad. Just a piece of advice, don’t share your dreams with everyone. Everyone is not going where you are going. Everyone will not be happy for you when you get there. The ones that you think are praying for you could very well be preying on you.

Smooches!