I was having a conversation with my coworkers the other day and I asked them if they believed in soul mates. At first there was a resounding no from everyone. Then I asked them well what if your soul mate is not a person of the romantic kind but on a friendship level. Most of them assumed that when I said soul mate, I meant husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. When I posed the question in a different way, the answers changed. Most of them felt that they believed in soul mates if the term didn’t automatically mean a romantic partner. I wonder why is that? One person told me that they consider a soul mate as someone that they can completely trust. They don’t feel that you can find that in a romantic relationship but rather a friendly one. That’s quite cynical isn’t it? Or rather an opinion based on past experiences? hummmm… The definition of soul mate is a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or a romantic partner. So a soul mate can be a best friend. Another definition states that a soul mate is a friend who completely understands you, who has the same believes and opinions as another person. I don’t know if I agree with that one. I feel that a soul mate is a person that understand but doesn’t necessarily have to agree with everything you say or do. I think a soul mate is a person that “completes” you. Their strengths may be your weaknesses and vise versa. They are able to draw things out of you that you didn’t know you had. That is what I feel a soul mate is. I also feel that a soul mate may be in your life for only a period of time, not necessarily someone you have to grow old with. I have met people along the way that I needed at that particular time but as I grew, they didn’t go with me. They were what I needed when I needed. With that being said, I wonder can a person have more than one soul mate? As you grow, you develop different opinions, values, and believes. If a person is your soul mate, they would have to adapt to those changes right? Or does that mean that soul mates can be interchangeable like pieces of clothing? Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love says that “people think a soul mate is our perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding your back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.” A soul mate is in your life for a purpose and they may be in your life for a season or for a lifetime. Have you found your soul mate?
You know what really bothers me? Negative people. I mean, no matter what you say, they have a negative come back for it. I mean, Can I live? I love my friends, God knows I do, but everyone is not going to be privy to where I am going in life. Its not for everyone to understand. Everyone is not going to be happy for you or even buy into what you are trying to do. Be careful who you share your hopes and dreams with. Negativity is powerful and can cause you to second guess yourself and the validity of what you are trying to do in life. When you are excited about something, it is easy to want to share with the people around you but that is not always a good thing. Some people don’t want to see you succeed because they didn’t have the courage to do what it took to fulfill their dream. Just because they didn’t get off their butts to do what is needed, they feel the need to be negative and tell you what you can’t do. Don’t try to kill my joy, still my shine, rain on my parade! Only a select few know my dreams. They are the ones that are in my corner and will pray for my strength to endure the journey. I don’t need cacklers in my corner. Sorry! You really have to watch who you continue to allow in your circle. Some people have to be cut off. That includes family, friends, associates, frenemies, whoever. When I open up to a person about what I desire it life, that means I trust them completely. What you speak from your mouth is very powerful. You can’t give everyone the privilege because guess what? When they get mad at you, petty people will throw what you said to them in to your face. I have been there before. It is the most hurtful thing. A person you once cared about and respected has used your desires against you. It’s the world we live in and it’s very sad. Just a piece of advice, don’t share your dreams with everyone. Everyone is not going where you are going. Everyone will not be happy for you when you get there. The ones that you think are praying for you could very well be preying on you.
I remember a time that I wouldn’t be caught dead at the movies by myself, especially on date nights when all the couples were snuggled up whispering in each others ear, saying who knows what. I used to shy away from going to movies if I didn’t have anyone to go with. I wouldn’t try a new restaurant until I had a group of friends to go with. Why is that so hard for people? Why was that so hard for me? First of all, I didn’t want people staring at me or feeling sorry for me because I was there alone. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself. I felt that in order for me to have a good time I needed someone else there with me. Silly huh? I didn’t think so then. But after quite a few failed relationships and friendships, I began to realize that I didn’t know what I wanted out of a relationship or what I was looking for in a friendship. How do we get to know another person? By spending time with them. So why is it so crazy to think that maybe we need to spend time with ourselves? How will we know what we want out of life if we don’t even know who we are? Society has taught us that success is based on the amount of smiles we get from other people, the amount of pats on the back, and the amount of acceptance you receive from others. In actuality the acceptance should start from within. You should be happy with yourself before anyone else can be happy with you. Can you honestly say that you would date yourself? Do you like yourself? Would you be able to spend quality time with you? Personally, I love spending time alone. I love taking myself out on dates and spending quality time with me. That doesn’t mean I hold a conversation with myself LOL. I just bask in the ambiance of me. I know who I am, I know what I like, and I know what type of person I want to share my time with. I know all of this because I take the time to date myself. I go to the movie I have been wanting to see by myself. I try out the new restaurant by myself. Sometimes I even just get in the car and drive by myself. Am I an introvert? Nah. I love meeting new people and getting to know them but my first concern is getting to know myself. I don’t want to look in the mirror and not recognize the person that is looking back at me. I want to be able to say I know her well. She is my best friend. Happiness starts from within. I don’t care what anybody else says. I truly believe that. How can someone else make you happy when you can’t even make yourself smile? There was a time where I couldn’t say that. Now, I can boldly stand on the mountain top and proclaim that I LOVE ME! Below are some things to try when you decide to spend time with yourself:
Go the movies. If you don’t want to go when its crowded, try a matinee. Plus its cheaper!
Take yourself to lunch. Try something new on the menu. You won’t know if you like it until you try it.
Pick a close destination and take a road trip. View the sites and take in the scenery.
Pack your favorite foods and go to the park. Watch the sunset or read a book.
Find a fun recipe online and make yourself dinner. Have a glass of wine.
Meditate in a quite place alone. Enjoy the stillness and freely go where you thoughts take you.
I hope this post was helpful and I hope you were able to either learn something from this or identify with what I am saying. Live long and happy dating!